Last night was pretty rough. I was just in a really sad kind of mood. I started crying at the dining room table just out of the blue. It kind of startled me and my husband was worried so we started talking. I realized part of what was going on was that I'm not happy with my job anymore, but I have to continue to work there until I find a new job or until my husband graduates Law school. I tried to explain to my husband that I'm not upset with him, I'm just frustrated with the situation. I think I'm mostly sad that I went to school to be a teacher and it turns out that after five years of teaching, it's not what I want any more.
During our conversation, I realized that I'm also more frustrated with having to wait so long to start a family than I thought. I kind of have a problem with burying my true feelings until I erupt. I'm sure that's what most of my crying was about. When my husband and I got married, we said we would start a family after being married for 5 years. Our 5 year anniversary is in less than a month. Law school kind of put a wrench in our family plans. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that my husband is in Law school. It will provide us with opportunities that we would not have had otherwise.
After talking for about an hour, we both agreed that we would like to start trying to get pregnant earlier than January. My husband actually suggested that we start trying in July. I felt almost instantly better. Since this will be earlier than planned, we decided not to chart my temperature or do anything too scientific. I'm going to make June the last month of being on birth control and then just see how things go from there. I thought it was so cute, though because my husband said that if we've been trying for 6 months or more with no results, then we could start charting my temperature. He said we're just that kind of couple. We like to plan things so much. That's probably why we've had the baby talk about 50 times already!
I'm very excited about the future now - I just hope my husband doesn't change his mind! I'll keep you posted.
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